"Oh no! We're sinking! Abandon ship!" said my four-year-old as he leaped from the top of the play structure at his daycare, fracturing his elbow and earning a number of scratches and bruises when he landed on the ground. We were new parents, having just completed Cruz's adoption, so we were obviously worried when we got the call that he had gotten hurt. We took him to the doctor, who encouraged us to laugh at the situation and promised everything would be okay. This was one of the first of many scrapes, bruises, and other 'hurts' throughout his childhood and teen years (see the pic to the left of his eye after falling during a game of futsal on a concrete court). And, before anyone says "Oh, aren't boys fun", my girls were right there with him. My kids spent most of their formative years in Bolivia while I was a missionary pastor there. They definitely did not have the 'protected' childhood typical of many American kids today. They played in overgrown, vacant lots on old, rusted, abandoned cars with homeless kids in our neighborhood. They frequented brickyards, balanced on spikey brick walls like unskilled gymnasts, and were accustomed to the blood and noise of the open-air meat market on the south side of Cochabamba. It was never our plan to expose our kids to risks, but that was the reality of living and working abroad in South America. And despite broken bones, bruises, and all the dangers, their childhood was filled with joy, culture, and exploration.
As parents, our goal is never to increase risks or to intentionally put our kids in danger. We want them to be safe and it hurts us when they get hurt. But, it is important that we learn to maintain a healthy balance between protecting them and embracing appropriate risks. Risks are a natural and necessary part of growing up that impact many areas of our kids' development. The potential for pain teaches us to evaluate and weigh the risk to benefit. For instance, we learn to what extent we can endure discomfort for the purpose of something we want, similar to my love of tattoos. Mitigating risks helps us to assess our abilities and to evaluate our level of confidence in tasks. But it isn't just the cognitive part of risky play that is important, the experiences and sensory perception play an important role in developing our kids' vestibular system and promoting greater proprioception. This is why many professionals are pushing for more free-play, no-rules play, and less delegation of risks for kids in grade schools (see THIS ARTICLE from the APA, THIS POST from Integrated Learning Strategies, and THIS ARTICLE from the NIH). You can also check out THIS POST from Children Inspired by Yoga on the importance of the vestibular system and its impact on proprioception (see THIS POST on the significance of proprioception from occupationaltherapy.com).
What does this mean for us? How do we let this information inform our parenting and how do we prioritize our kids' experiences? First, we have to determine which risks are acceptable for our kids and for our families. Do we allow them to play on top of the monkey bars? Where are we comfortable with unsupervised play? In what situations can we encourage free play? As you determine the answers to these questions, begin to identify the steps you can take for your kids to have a healthy exposure to appropriate risks. Second, encourage play that requires movement, balance, creativity, and sunlight. Minimize the dependency on screens and other technology. And last, consider practicing mindfulness a few times a week to increase bodily awareness and to promote greater emotional regulation. You can find 25 activities from Vista del Mar HERE. Combining mindfulness practices with physical play throughout childhood is the perfect blend for one of the most significant factors in your child's development.
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